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DJ's Blog

Abusive Marriage

CONFESSION
I was brought up in the most broken home anyone can imagine.  My mother (who I loved dearly) was never married and she had five of us.  My father lived with us for a while but was abusive.  I decided I did not want that kind of life so I got married and have two kids (boys).  But, like my mom I suffer abuse, not the kind that you see but the one that is psychological.

I am accused of unfaithfulness although I have never actually been.  I confess I have thought of it.  But there is a fight within me because I wanted to distance myself from my upbringing.

So I am suffering the same hurt that I have tried to distance myself from.  My marriage is a mess.  There is no communication - we sleep in separate rooms but keep up the charade.  I think of leaving but I don’t want to hurt my boys.

GOD’S WORD SAYS
…Jesus said to them, "Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself will not stand.” Matthew 12:25 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
Please seek a wise Christian counselor and take steps to remove yourself from the abusive situation. Your boys are already being hurt simply by the lack of communication between you and your spouse. They are having to endure the same abuse you are going through...and are learning how to respond improperly to women. Protect your children. Protect yourself. Find a women’s shelter in your area if possible and do not be afraid to use their resources.

Sexual Healing

CONFESSION
I have a wonderful husband.  But, because of the rapes and molestation I went through growing up, I struggle with being OK with sex.  I go through the motions, and a lot of times pretend that I am enjoying it.  Most of the time, though, I am disgusted with it and want to throw up.  I just want to enjoy my husband.

GOD’S WORD SAYS
For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know {Him} {in this way} no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, {he is} a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:14-17 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
Learn to see yourself as the Lord does. It is the enemy of God that wants to keep you trapped in the old ways of thinking about yourself. Christ sees you as spotless and pure. When you see yourself that way freedom will come more and more. That is what happened for me. I had to renew my mind to see what He sees and not what I see. Seek intimacy with Christ and this intimacy will permeate your marriage relationship as well.

SSA

CONFESSION
I had my first sexual encounter w/ a boy at 7 years old, and it went from there, and I have had several sexual encounters w/men. And for 30 years of my life, I was involved w/homosexuality. The last relationship I had I lived w/a man. PRAY for healing Spiritually, and Emotionally. I am a Christian now.

GOD’S WORD SAYS
"For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
Knowing Jesus intimately is worth everything we go through. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and not on the temptation. Temptation does not define you. Your Father defines you. Be who He says you are. I would also encourage you to go to my web site, www.dennisjernigan.com, and search the 'Need Help?' section. You will find many resources there. You will also want to look at the many resources available at www.exodus-international.org, including a ministry focused on young people.

My Son Struggles- What do I do?

CONFESSION
Help please?! My 13 year old son 'loves' (very strongly) a boy.  He professes to be a Christian. We don't know what to do.

GOD’S WORD SAYS
In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed. In Your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; Incline Your ear to me and save me. Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come; You have given commandment to save me, For You are my rock and my fortress. Rescue me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, Out of the grasp of the wrongdoer and ruthless man, For You are my hope; O Lord GOD, {You are} my confidence from my youth. Psalm 71:1-5 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
Continue to pray and seek wise counsel. Find your personal sustenance in intimacy with Christ during this difficult time. I would encourage you to go to my web site, www.dennisjernigan.com, and search the 'Need Help?' section. You will find many resources there. You will also want to look at the many resources available at www.exodus-international.org, including a ministry focused on young people they have made available.

Emotionally Weary

CONFESSION
I confess my failure to live as I feel Christ calls me to live and to be the person everyone seems to need me to be. I'm tired and hurting so badly inside.

GOD’S WORD SAYS
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
In my own life I lived far too long trying to please everyone…but pleasing everyone was destroying me! My goal in life now is to simply walk in relationship with the Lord Who loves me and likes being with me. I also walk with people who accept me as I am and allow me a shoulder to cry on and a heart to vent my frustrations to. Honesty leads to Truth and Truth leads to freedom from having to perform for anyone. It is that realization that God loves me even when I blow it that gives me the strength to follow hard after Him. Be encouraged. God is calling you to intimacy with Himself. I would suggest you read my book called ‘This Is My Destiny’ and listen to the recording by the same name. Become a worshiper and let your focus be placed on God and taken off of your hurts. You will find relief and healing in that place.

Married But Struggle With SSA

CONFESSION
Well, I've never really confessed anything to a computer screen.  And I must admit that it feels a little weird.   I can really relate to DJ's testimony.  I too was raised in church, with questions about my identity in Christ. I was propositioned by an older teen when I was in the 4th grade and felt like it was the actual sexual abuse because of all that I witnessed.  By the time I was in college the Internet was in full swing.  I looked for pictures of naked guys doing the same things that had happened to me.  Instead of this making me feel better I only felt worse and began to think that something was wrong with me.  I knew that my life belonged to Christ and never questioned if same sex attraction was a sin.  So I decided to seek out a good Christian counselor.  I worked through the shame.  And sincerely felt like i had a firm understanding of Who Christ was making me, and who he called me to be.  I continued on in ministry working with teens and leading worship.  Every once in a while I would need a firm reminder of who I was in Christ.  Some comment or situation would bring up the insecurities of my masculinity once again.  I would work it out and all was well.  I have been married for almost three years now with a two year old and one on the way.  I pray that I will be the Father God wants me to be, and the husband.  My wife is aware of the past struggles and insecurities with my masculinity.  But I honestly thought that all of the process was behind me.  I have worked students for the past five years in a large church, and have ministered to other guys and sometimes girls who have shared the same struggles with Identity.  My wife and I are in transition to be involved with a new church plant.  I will be the pastor of worship and community.  I am so looking forward to it and wanting to finish well here in this role.  But here's the problem.  Last night I was tired, alone, spiritually spent from a long day of ministry.  I came home to an empty house and was on the computer right before I went to bed and I clicked on some link that led me to the most terrible pictures.  It was like six years of sobriety all down the drain. But this is a huge deal because my wife would be so hurt and confused.  We have an intimate marriage.  I am not sure what to do or who to tell.  So I am confessing to a computer screen.?!  This is too weird.   I know that I need honest confession.  No cloaks or veils to hide the darkness that was in my heart.  I know that God has changed me.  I can see the difference.  But with set backs like this one I can really doubt the power of the gospel to change.   I have wept, and been in utter turmoil up until I started writing this letter.  my wife is out of town.  I have one friend who I have confessed to here.  (veiled confession) but He is willing to talk to me any hour.
 I really just needed to say exactly what happened.     I feel terrified that I have defamed the name of Christ.  or that His plans of ministry is over for me.  I wrote my wife a letter explaining everything.  I have not decided if I should give it to her.  During this time of transition/pregnancy I think that I should protect her from my inner turmoil, as she looks to me as a leader. I decided to "get Honest" because I need someone to not just know that I am sad for my sin, but to know why my heart is sad.  It is a process for sure.  But I have decided to follow Jesus.  I can not understand why my heart in a weak moment would look back, especially after a long period with no struggle.  Thank you for your site.  Thank you for being a place to confess with no hesitation.  I have never heard you in concert or even own a cd of yours.  But I knew your story and I felt like the Lord impressed on my heart to google you.  Thanks DJ for being brave enough to confess and share your story.  I want to live an honest life before the Lord and before others.

GOD’S WORD SAYS
Is anyone among you suffering? {Then} he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? {Then} he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:13-16 NASB

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
Confession is vital to the healing process…and it is not just a one-time thing. I encourage you to find a brother near you to can share the burden with. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to that person or persons…and also ask him for the proper time to get honest with your wife. I made leaps and bounds in my healing when I decided to get honest with everyone about my struggles. You might consider reading my eBook ‘Victim to Victor’ as well. I would encourage you to go to my web site, www.dennisjernigan.com, and search the 'Need Help?' section. You will find many resources there. You will also want to look at the many resources available at www.exodus-international.org.

SSA

CONFESSION
I have been married for 16 years and 4 children.  Ever since I was a teenager I
have struggled with sexual thoughts toward men.  Those thoughts and feelings
have continued to grow and I have acted on them on a few occasions.  There were
several times prior to marriage as a teenager I experimented with sexual acts
with other guys.  Then, since marriage, I have had half a dozen encounters.  There have been many more "online" encounters as anytime I view porn, I am attracted to gay porn.  

My wife and I have a great relationship and have a good sexual relationship as
well, but this dark secret haunts me.  It also draws me.  I am so conflicted
internally ... I can't confess this to anyone as it would absolutely kill my
wife and family.  But I'm tired of living this dual life.

I'm a Christian and have prayd for deliverance of this since I became a
Christian.  Why can't I be free????

GOD’S WORD SAYS
…and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. John 8:32 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
You cannot fight this battle alone. The very thing you fear – honesty – is the very thing that will bring about your deliverance. The first step toward Truth that sets us free is our own honest confession of need. Please seek a Christian Counselor. I would encourage you to go to my web site, www.dennisjernigan.com, and search the 'Need Help?' section. You will find many resources there. You will also want to look at the many resources available at www.exodus-international.org.

Son Struggles With SSA

CONFESSION
I'm a mother reeling with fear and pain. Two months ago our 21 year old son
told us that he is attracted to the same sex.  He is a Christian that has lived a
truly Christ filled life through high school. However he confessed that the
past year he has given into these feelings. He's believing the lie that this
just must be the way it is. That we possibly are interpreting the Bible
incorrectly.  I'm dealing with major GIANTS of FEAR and despair 24/7 trying to
do the right thing and leave this with my Lord…but so afraid. Thank for your
ministry, I worship & cling to Christ w. your verses...Thank you for pointing
this Sister to Him.

GOD’S WORD SAYS
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
Rest in God’s love and daily turn this burden over to Him…and ask Him to allow you to see your circumstances from His perspective. I would encourage you to go to my web site, www.dennisjernigan.com, and search the 'Need Help?' section. You will find many resources there. You will also want to look at the many resources available at www.exodus-international.org.

Is There Hope?

CONFESSION
I am a deeply committed Christian, but cannot overcome same sex attraction. I am happily married and totally fulfilled in my heterosexual relationship...but why do I continue to feel this attraction every time I see a handsome guy or the
male physique? I hate it.  Is there EVER deliverance for this...I've tried
everything!

GOD’S WORD SAYS
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor {the} covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 NASB

DENNIS’S SUGGESTION
Deliverance is possible. I have had to renew my mind on a daily basis and reprogram my thoughts with what God calls good. I would suggest you get help through a Christian counselor and would encourage you to go to my web site, www.dennisjernigan.com, and search the 'Need Help?' section. You will find many resources there. You will also want to look at the many resources available at www.exodus-international.org.

Worship From the Living Room - TONIGHT!

JUNE 1, 2009 9PM CST

Join in the live worship and ministry by logging in at http://www.livestream.com/dennisjernigantv