Where is God? Pain...


After striving with all I had for about eight months to immerse myself in Christian activities, and community, I started going back on gay sites.

Why does God curse me?  What have I done.. I don't really believe my peers suffer a fraction of the misery I go through, feeling that my existence is offensive.  I wouldn't have ever admitted that six months ago, I told myself we all suffered the same, and that I didn't identify myself in light of my perceived orientation.

The severity of depression, however, suggests otherwise.  I'm a gifted pianist, and I want to study medicine, but I can't bring myself to be excited about anything except what is forbidden.

I have been seeing a Christian counselor who was in the gay lifestyle, and isnow happily married with two children.

I just don't want to hurt, God seems so far.



1Cr 10:13 NASB   No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. 1Cr 10:14   Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.


Hbr 4:15   For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as {we are, yet} without sin.


Dennis says

Brother, in so many ways I have been where you are. The enemy wants you as his own. That is why he fights so hard for your thoughts. The battleground is your mind…and the weapons of our warfare are spiritual in nature. In my own life, I became so focused on my needs and my dilemma that I could not see hope. It was when I began to focus on the Lord and on the needs of others that I began to break through so many of the lies I had believed about myself. Of course, there is so much more to my story than that simple explanation but it does adequately describe my need to focus on something beside myself. You are not alone, brother. You are not alone. Knowing Christ intimately has been worth every struggle I have ever faced – or ever will. I will send you something to help you in your journey toward freedom.

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