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Does God Understand?

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Confession and Forgiveness


Purpose in Life - Insecurity

Attraction to Same Sex


After 30+ years as a Christian, I still feel such powerful attractions for men.  I don't act out, but the internal battle with lust is intense sometimes.  This is quite a struggle and makes me "feel" that God must get disgusted with me...I should be "over this" by now.  I have a wonderful wife and six kids.  God has been good to me.  My flesh however loves this sin.  It is so fruitless and self-defeating.  My heart is grieved.  I go through seasons of greater liberty, then slip back.  I love/hate it.  It is such a nasty idol in my life.  Forgive the flavor of self-pity in this.
I know we have to be ruthless against temptations.  Please stand with me as I confess this.


Where is God? Pain...


After striving with all I had for about eight months to immerse myself in Christian activities, and community, I started going back on gay sites.

Why does God curse me?  What have I done.. I don't really believe my peers suffer a fraction of the misery I go through, feeling that my existence is offensive.  I wouldn't have ever admitted that six months ago, I told myself we all suffered the same, and that I didn't identify myself in light of my perceived orientation.

The severity of depression, however, suggests otherwise.  I'm a gifted pianist, and I want to study medicine, but I can't bring myself to be excited about anything except what is forbidden.

I have been seeing a Christian counselor who was in the gay lifestyle, and isnow happily married with two children.

I just don't want to hurt, God seems so far.